Designed by Assumption
In my mind, I was never “good enough”. Could that feeling of unworthiness come from the fact that my parents divorced when I was 5 years old? Could it be that when I heard them argue, that hot summer night in our vacation home in the South of France, I blamed myself for their not loving each other anymore. “It is my fault if they don’t love each other”. Right then, I unconsciously developed the belief that I wasn’t good enough. That feeling followed me all my life, making me an over-achiever in anything that I did, as it was never “good enough”.
I had to constantly prove the world that I was worth listening to, looking at and talking to. I wanted everyone to know that I could do anything that I set my mind to. I could do it and I had to prove it, over and over again.
Pushing myself to further limits made me do things that were considered “extraordinary”, yet they never were extraordinary to me as I never truly appreciated anything I did. I could never understand why people tapped themselves on the shoulder. What would I congratulate myself? I never believed anything I did was worth noticing.
That “non-satisfactory” mindset pushed me to undertake more than a lot of people. It drove me to explore countries and continents that would expose me to unique ways of living, different thinking processes and how to respond to certain events with a completely different attitude. At that time, I had no idea how it would shape my life to where it is now. I embraced the learning experiences that I was blessed to receive, with an open heart and a thirsty mind. Nothing scared me. Fear was in another realm that I had not experienced before. It was an abstract notion that never reached my heart or my mind and was utterly replaced with abundant curiosity about everything and anything I could put my eyes on.
This is what I want to share with you in this book and the reason why I decided to write it. In this incredible journey called life, you will be facing a multitude of events, good or bad, that will shape your mind, your soul and your heart. Whether good or bad, they will build resilience and strength that you didn’t know you had. That’s why it’s called LIFE. Lots of Incredible Facets of Experiences. A four-letter word that doesn’t need to be negative. It just needs to be placed in a room with many open windows, so that it can fly away when pain hits, breathe in when silence comes and burst with hope and joy when good news are delivered. How do you think you can experience the highs if you don’t know the lows? This is one thing my grandmother always asked me when I complained about what was happening to me: “Do you want your life to be flat, steady and boring or do you want to know incredible joys, successes and happiness? If you want the latter, you will also need to accept moments of disappointment and despair. They go together hand in hand, just like the dynamic dance of a roller coaster.”
It took me half a second to give her my answer. “Of course I choose life Mami! Of course, I want the roller coaster!”.
Well, that’s exactly what I got. Because I had made the conscious decision to live life fully and with no fear, I opened myself to a life of adventure, full of ups and full of downs. And each time the downs came, I knew to be patiently awaiting the ups to come back. And when the ups came, I bit into them with as much passion as I possibly could as I knew that they wouldn’t last forever.
So there you go. Life is an amazing adventure and you can build just about anything you want with it, with the right attitude, in sickness or in health, in peace or in war. It is your choice.